How to Talk about Neurodiversity in the Workplace
One of the most common questions I get asked when I deliver neurodiversity training in organisations is this: “Alicja, I’d like to be more involved in conversations about neurodiversity but I don’t know it in and out and don’t want to make things worse by saying the wrong thing. There’s someone in my team who are neurodivergent and I never talk about it with them but would like to. Can you please offer me some advice?”
I could talk about the language of neurodiversity and languages generally for a long time (one of my passions) but I will resist the urge. Instead, here are my top seven tips on how to talk about neurodiversity in the workplace and beyond.
#1 Don't stay silent for the fear of getting it wrong or offending someone
If you only take away one thing from this post, it is this one: don’t let the fear stop you from getting involved and talking about neurodiversity and neurodivergence.
I’ll start with an uncomfortable truth: the chances are that you will get your language wrong – and that’s OK. You could research what terms to use and be very careful about your language and you might still get it wrong. That’s because that although research exists on the terms that are preferred, at the end of the day everyone will have their own opinion.
For example, 91% of autistic people use ‘autistic’ when talking about autism but only 19% use ‘a person with autism’. This means that most autistic people prefer to be referred to as ‘autistic’ – but not all. The best strategy here is to ask what words they prefer when referring to autism or listen out for the terms they use and mirroring them.
So embrace your fear and not let the ‘elephant in the room’ remain unaddressed. Not bringing up the topic is way worse than bringing it up and risking making some mistakes along the way. Whatever happens, you will have an opportunity to learn from the experience and make the other person feel seen and heard.
#2 Don't use words that are deficit-based, stigmatised or patronising
Here’s a simple rule: use language that’s positive or neutral over medical, deficit-based terms that tend to have negative connotation. I’m not talking about toxic positivity here and seeing neurodivergence purely as a superpower (it isn’t). Here are some examples:
Condition or neurological difference is better than disorder or disability
Autistic traits or characteristics is better than autism symptoms
Describing the impact of autism is better than assuming that someone / everyone is suffering from autism
Curious to learn more? Click on the button below to download the Expand the Circle Neuroinclusive Language Guide.
#3 Don’t make assumptions about someone’s experience and offer unsolicited advice
Making assumptions about how someone’s neurodivergence affects them and offering advice (without being asked for it) tends to be a very common reaction to “I’m autistic, dyslexic, have ADHD, etc…”. You might be thinking that this is helpful – on the contrary, it’s unlikely to be. Here’s why:
Every neurodivergent person experiences the world differently and has different strengths and areas where they need extra support. Lots of reasons: neurodivergent conditions affect people in different ways (autistic people can be speaking or non-speaking, ADHD might come with hyperactivity or not, etc), neurodivergent conditions are likely to co-occur, there might be other factors such as gender, race / ethnicity / culture, values and religion, etc that will shape individual experience (intersectionality). When you’ve met one neurodivergent person, you’ve met one neurodivergent person
It’s likely that your advice has been given before - many, many times before. “Try to stress less“ (thanks doctor), “Oh just get started with it” (ehm, really? I never thought of that…), and so on. I appreciate it comes from a good place, but the impact is often demeaning and patronising. Avoid giving advice, especially when unsolicited.
If you want to learn more about what specifically not to say, the following BBC Three video series on “things not to say to someone with…” are excellent (follow the links if you want to watch any of these in a new tab):
#4 Acknowledge and express your lack of knowledge
It’s as simple as saying: “I don’t have a lot of knowledge about autism / ADHD / dyslexia / neurodiversity. I might use terms that are not correct – if that happens, please correct me. I want to help.”
By expressing your lack of knowledge, you show your vulnerability. That’s good – it might help your conversation partner open up too.
#5 Be curious and open to learn from a neurodivergent person’s experience
Yes, yes, yes – but be genuine in your curiosity and open-mindedness. If a person you’re speaking with says “I’m autistic / dyslexic / have ADHD”, you could respond by saying: “Oh, that’s interesting. Are you happy to tell me more about how that affects you?”.
If you know anyone that’s neurodivergent and want to share it, that’s fine too but don’t just end there (often a dead end), do acknowledge that you know that your conversation partner’s experience is likely to be different. Here are some examples:
Not so good: “Oh, my nephew is autistic. He really likes dinosaurs and is a fussy eater…” (well, your conversation partner might be into psychology and seek new foods!)
Good: “Oh that’s interesting. You know, my nephew is autistic, but I know that everyone’s experience is different. I’d love to hear more about how it affects you, but only if you’re happy to share of course”.
#6 Believe what you’re being told
That’s one of my favourite tips. If someone tells you that there’s a lot of background noise coming through in a Teams meeting, a colleague’s perfume is giving them a headache or they need help with starting a task by having you there with them, believe it and respond to it positively.
Here’s an example: I was on an online training course and raised that there’s background noise coming through a participant’s mic. The facilitator responded by saying “Well, I cannot hear anything” in front of the group and did nothing else. It made me feel small and not listened to. A better way of responding here would have been to say “OK, let’s see if we can fix this for you. Can everyone mute yourself please? Alicja, how’s that?”.
If something sounds unusual or not believable to you, remember that it may be normal and very much true to them.
#7 Offer support and make a habit of asking “What do you need?”
That’s another tip that can be easily implemented. If a colleague or a friend discloses to you that they’re neurodivergent, make it clear that you’re there to support them. Saying once “if there’s anything you need, just let me know” there and then is not enough.
Make it clear that you mean it (simple, add “and I mean it”) and say it frequently.
If you’re a line manager, make it part of your 1-1 agenda to ask “What do you need from the team to do your best” / “What more can I do to support you”?
About the Author:
Alicja Nocon is the founder of Expand the Circle. Her mission is to empower late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults to contribute in the workplace on their own terms and for it to make business sense.
Alicja offers coaching and mentoring for neurodivergent adults and neurodivergent employees with autism or ADHD, neurodiversity training for organisations and enjoys speaking at panels and other events.
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